force field

Travel in our part of the world during the winter months can be difficult, if not impossible.
The temperatures not only moderated but grew unseasonably warm this week.
We had snow, wind and icing on the roads.

The hospital where I was scheduled for my one year follow-up MRI is 2-1/2 hours away.

We chose to drive in Wednesday night and stay in a nearby hotel.

Rick managed the difficult parts of the drive well, but not with ease.  It was a bit trying for both of us.  We relaxed and collapsed in front of mindless television as we settled into our room.

Before I shut down my laptop to check out of the hotel, I typed into my Facebook status box:

MRI day - into the force field I go

and so off to the hospital, wishing I could have another coffee, knowing I had to wait till after.

There were no delays.  The needle for the i.v. line to inject contrast agent was inserted with skill.  I relaxed into the clicking and knocking and tried to ignore the desire to move about to ease the growing pain in my lower back.  Halfway (or somewhere near halfway) through the test I could feel someone take the i.v. tube from my hand and insert the contrast.

Hang in there, I thought.  Can't be long now.

More knocks, bangs, clicks and tones that the earphones can't muffle, and then I heard a voice telling me to watch my elbows as they slid me out to freedom.  I rose without too much residual back pain.

I was told my doctor would have the results in a day or two, though I had been told by the gamma knife centre to expect to hear from them within three weeks.

We spent the next few hours shopping, then made our way back home on still ice covered roads.

Now safe, rested from a good nights sleep, and back to life as usual, trying not think about the waiting.

another summer

A year ago

we were in the middle of

the summer of trouble

the water in our well was resisting treatment

I lit scented candles every time I had to run the water

our "good" vehicle chose to die

we were waiting to travel to Saskatoon

to meet with a neurotologist

to discuss treatment options

needed a reliable vehicle to get us there

and back

I was also trying to plan a trip south to visit my mother

battling her cancer and lung issues

problem built upon problem

upon problem

we were all sharp edges

brittle

ready to crack, burn

we stand now

on the edge of another summer

with a newer vehicle

clean water

five months post gamma knife

my mother's struggle over

as she found peace in April

my ears are ringing, yes

my hearing no better than before

but not worse

we have plans, big plans ahead

and hope

another summer

and we can see the colour 

the rains have left behind

When you say "anything"

Originally posted 10 july 2012 on Flickers of a Faithful FireFly

There are times we pray safe
"Lord, I'll do as you say, go where you send me"
as long as it fits our schedule
as long as we can understand His request

And there are times we pray dangerous
when we declare
"Lord, let Your will, not mine be done
glorify Yourself in my life
whatever it is you want from me
 I'll do anything"
and in that moment of surrender
we think we can imagine what anything might mean

but...
anything means anything

For now, the anything He has chosen
is for me to walk through a medical condition
I would not have expected
that creates the need for skull base and neuro surgery
this will entail much travel between home
and Saskatoon where my medical/surgical team will be based

Perhaps as a dear friend prayed for me on Sunday
this is more than a medical journey
but a mission as well
I will certainly be meeting many new people along the way

in the days, weeks and months to come
if He asks it of me
you may find me writing
about my journey through the trials of an acoustic neuroma
about consults, surgery and the recovery process

I ask for your patience
your questions
your grace
and for your prayers
that He indeed will be glorified
in the way I walk this out.